Friday, March 24, 2006

Returning a Draft

I poked at drafts from Steve and Jeannine this week. Only seemed fair to offer them a shot at a brandy new one of my own.

{Sorry, this poem has been deleted}

2 comments:

jeannine said...

Hey David! I did appreciate your critique, so, here goes...
I have a problem with men writing "Edible Woman" poems without some sort of surprising twist, because it's sort of expected and done, right? So to me this poem, while the language is careful and well-wrought, needs to have more surprise in it to be successful.

David Vincenti said...

Note to self: Just because it's something I've not written before doesn't mean it hasn't been written before.

Point taken. Obviously I've not studied the Edible Woman subgenre well.

And I'm giggling to myself imagining someone stumbling across these comments after I've taken the draft down.

Thanks, Jeannine!